I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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