Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
