My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
