im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
