I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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