yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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