Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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