A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
