apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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