I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
