so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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