We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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