Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
