Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
