i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
