During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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