Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
