oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
