he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
