So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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