On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
