There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize