i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
