OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
