So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
