Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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