She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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