I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
