i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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