So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize