Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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