so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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