Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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