its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
