yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
