I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
