That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize