I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
