She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
