What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
