oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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