there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
