my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
