I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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