I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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