lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
