she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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