people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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