there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he thought i was a dude.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
