I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
