One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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