so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
