I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The struggles of a small town man whore
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize