I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
