Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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