When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
