Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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