I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
