I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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