Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
