he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
