I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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