Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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