Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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