"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
