Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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