there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
